Thank you Vera,
it was heartening to read your comment.
So what has happened? Well, life, family, jam-making, photography, cooking, work, work, work.
I am sitting at my desk. There are some spaces in this room, but not as many as I would like. I still imagine the tidying-up fairy is going to appear, and sort me out. Maybe I need a PA, and I can go around being creative and making things, and the resulting mess can be tidied up by another, who doesn't mind, isn't emotionally involved with the chaos, and who ruffles my hair, and says - "never mind dear - you have fabulous things to create".
How sad am I? How sad is this that I reach this point and still I'm unable to get my act together. I am good at my work, at my art, with my imagination - I have been known to be good with people, unless I am not being good with people.
I would love to write a book, but seriously would I get beyond the first chapter? Or would I start a new one two years later. Hah! My computer littered with half written stories, poems, paragraphs. All from different stages of my life. Once I thought I should put them all together, and make a play/film with them. I can make films, I can make theatre and art - I cannot however get beyond the first chapter of novel.
This leads me on to my inability to read. I used to manage it very well. I still love books, but now I buy them because I long to get stuck between the covers, I long to be lost in the pages, and surrounded by the words. But it is not happening.
Tonight, in this moment I am happy to be writing, and not thinking to much.
Tomorrow is another day, and another leaf with be turned over.
In conclusion.
1. I have been turning over new leaves since I was 8.
2. I have become a great jam maker this year.
3. My oldest boy, thinks mess is great. Not sure that is a good thing. I don't like it myself.
4. My middle boy likes order, my little girl creates beautiful chaos wherever she goes.
So to the new day, to the new tomorrow.
I will be back.
To Vera - thank you for being a lovely voice to read.
To anyone who is a chaotic as me. Blimey it takes so much effort.
To anyone. Is there an answer to this?
Love
C x
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