Day 22 The fear

Last year I gave up sugar - well, actually two years ago I gave up sugar. This year I have embraced sugar, but given up messiness, and in the process am shedding piles of stuff, but am also gaining pounds.

Doh

Today - back to the very lovely bedroom. Oh it is so nice to have a lovely bedroom. A bedroom to sleep in, burn smelly candles in, have lovely sex in, read fabulous books in. Rather than a room to stumble into; to trip up in; to feel depressed and hopeless in; to keep the lights off in: to wish for the tidying up fairy in.

There is a part of me that fears what will happen if I give up my venture.
There is a part of me that realises the tidier the house the better the relationship.
There is a part of me that is shit scared that I am only loved at the moment because there is more space to do so. What happens when it gets filled up again.

So back to the venture.
Clutter to day - gone tomorrow - or rather transfered to charity shop and rubbish piles. Why is it sooo hard to get rid of clothes I have never worn? Or clothes that I have worn (20 years ago!).

Still, I managed to clear and re-organise three drawers of clothes, and P's clothes too.

H, if you read this, and I see you on Friday, there are some gorgeous clothes that you can take home with you.

Funny just thinking back to being so anxious before people came to visit. I am naturally gregarious but knowing that I would somehow have to create a space for them amidst the chaos, and attempt to tidy the chaos always filled me with dread.

People seeing my mess was/is a no-no! So ashamed I am of it. Actually it really isn't that bad now, that is apart from my office room space and the basement, and the kids room.

Another thing - I was always a shower girl, baths being too time consuming. I am now becoming bath girl, showers being too transient.